Sam and Steve often find themselves wanting to snuggle up on a couch together, controllers in hands, ready to be immerse in a video game together. Finding video games to play with your someone special can be really difficult. In a landscape of AAA hyper-competitive titles, it becomes even harder when the time spent playing with your person becomes a ranked brawl. Sam and Steve have played a lot of games together, for over two decades now. Some nights have ended in bitter loses and quieter than normal evenings. Is this true for you as well? Read on for some hope!
Paired Play
Recently, we viewed a panel at PAX West 2023 in Seattle, WA that talked specifically about games to play with your partners. Sam and Steve barely made the line to get into the event, so it is clear that this is a topic that is important to a lot of people. Specifically, people want to spend quality time that feels good with their loved ones in video games.
However, many of us have found ourselves on the losing side of a pair in this space and have maybe heard the term “sore loser” once or twice. You probably know the feelings: irritation, sadness, guilt, inadequacy.
Did you know that some of these feelings are what makes video games fun for us? Competition is a natural driver of curiosity and engagement, so how can we turn those positive experiences into something more shared and intimate within the quality time we spend with others?
First, it takes a bit of self awareness to know how much competition you’re willing to engage in on multiple levels – your partners, your friends, or your families. Do you consider yourself a sore loser? Perhaps this could be reframed into asking yourself whether you play games with a focus on self improvement or a communal experience.
For Steve
Something Steve recently realized is that he tends to compete with himself, and doing so impacts other people playing along.
He’s generally pretty good at games. Steve has been playing them for as long as he can remember, it’s his main hobby. Sometimes this has actually paid off. He came in 4th in BigJon’s RetroBattle 2, and 2nd in RetroBattle 3. Back in college he won a couple Guitar Hero tournaments which netted a bit of cash ($20?) and an actual acoustic guitar (which he never intended to, nor did, learn to play). He enjoys playing games and usually strives to be better at them. That is, better than himself, not better than those he is playing with.
Steve prefers co-op or games over competition, but will occasionally fall into some competitive game for a month or so. He likes to try the occasional competitive game out, but tends to fall off them pretty quick. He is currently saving his more in depth thoughts on competitive gaming spaces for another post – stay tuned!
For Sam
Sam considers herself to be competitive, but considers herself more of a well practiced loser. In her teens and early twenties, Sam has spent most of their time in video game friend circles, which have mainly been populated by competitive men. Sam’s strong interest in video games and Steve’s successes in social gaming spaces is what prepared Sam for being the ultimate cheerleader. Until her 30s, this made her one of the few women in these social competitive gaming spaces.
Mario Kart has a rich history of being the landscape in which the Burbols have gone to WAR, especially in the earliest dating days of high school. On the times when Sam lost Mario Kart early in those days of high school study hall, she would often start up a second group playing card games, consisting of mostly women looking for a more personal, and slower paced environment of gaming. Sam remembers Steve occasionally joining this group she created and this theme of “games are for everyone” has followed Steve and Sam since.
In her twenties, she was still an advocate for women getting more involved in video games. Being transplanted from the Southern parts of the US, to the northern for a position with a Big Tech job meant another few years of friend circles in video games being mostly men. However, Sam made sure to communicate with Steve more openly about the games she preferred to play when hosting groups of friends in their home. This is where her love of chaos games was born because she felt it was the best way to be silly, forget skill, and play as equal friends.
Did you know that research shows video games social spaces are more populated by men than by women, generally speaking. The effects of that on our understanding of societal norms today, (who is playing and who is making the video games?)in still true. Now, research trends are beginning to study the effects of this for nonbinary people as well, since historically the comparison of these spaces has been “how many men versus women.” These trends will ultimately, Sam hopes, begin to produce games in which more people are represented accurately in them and thus our living rooms will become more diverse through these new narratives being added to games. Her first interest in video games continues to be the same: creating, existing in comfortably, contributing to in a fair way, and enjoying environments in which she can spend time with her friends.
Burbol Approved Games for Any Pair
Looking for games through this lens has led to some great memories that don’t really involve winning or losing for both Steve and Sam. For them, a lifetime of gaming now includes the expectation of a loving experience with friends – without feelings of inadequacy or inconsideration for anyone’s abilities. The key to getting anyone you love involved in something we love, such as video games, is what makes sharing fun. Below are a few examples of games we think anyone can enjoy with their paired preference.
It Takes Two: An adventure platforming game with a focus on split-screen gameplay. This game has won so many awards for its uniqueness over the years for it’s gameplay and its thoughtful narrative driven story. It is a must play for pairs. Start here if you haven’t yet played It Takes Two and be warned that this games hits all the emotions.
LittleBigPlanet: Honorable mention that the Burbols feel is adjacent to It Takes Two. Less story driven but fun and cute and very silly. Like It Takes Two, parts of the game also require potato-sack flailing cooperative physics to complete a puzzle.
Final Fantasy XIV: Visually stunning and very big. This game is good for the grind. If you and your partner enjoy quest gathering for hours together, sometimes riding on really cool flying dragons, then you will enjoy the vast, immersive world of XIV. The story is really great, and the cinematics of the storyline kept Sam coming back to the game. The downside to this game is that it has a very steep learning curve and the dungeons can be a punishing experience for newcomers. This is a game for pairs that like to invest a lot of time in one space.
Sky: Children of the Light: A game that Sam and Steve got into together near the end of 2022. We had both heard about it and thought about checking it out, but Sam finally decided to try it and got us both hooked. It is mostly chill besides a couple parts that are high stress near the end of the game. After the “end” there is a lot of stuff to do, which generally leads to cosmetics. We really don’t want to spoil any part of this excellent story, so just know that it is free to play and available on all platforms of gaming – so there is very low cost to begin with this game. Sky is something we usually play for 30 mins a day in the morning, put down, then come back the next day. Plus, it just feels good to have a game that rewards you for logging in to “hold a friends hand.”
Pikmin Bloom: Sam and Steve started working on their fitness levels with a group of friends in August 2022. This led to a lot of walking around their neighborhood. This is where Pikmin Bloom came in. They had both played Pokémon Go in the past, and tried playing it again starting it August, but it was feeling kind of stale and had annoying parts of having to find larger groups to fight in raids. Pikmin Bloom is a more passive mobile game than the more popular known mobile games. It’s basically just walking around and planting flowers everywhere you go. There is more to it, like collecting Pikmin with various decor pieces attached to them (stickers, papercraft buses, slices of pizza), sending out a team of Pikmin to pick up a piece of fruit, and joining up to have your Pikmin fight mushrooms together. Other than some weekly and monthly challenges, it is very low stakes and low pressure. This has encouraged Sam and Steve to take longer walks, which has been good for both physical and mental health.
The most important thing in choosing your paired video game
As with most good advice, the most important thing to a great experience in playing video games with a special someone is communication. Not everyone values the same thing in an experience, so talking through what feels good for both players before committing the time immersed together is crucial. Good luck, and have fun!
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